Doing the Work in Networking: Exchanging Phone Numbers isn't the Same as Connecting

What is the most frequent line you heard during the last event you attended? “Your Network is your net worth”, right?

Everyone agrees that networking matters, but at TheSIS, our findings reveal that most of us, for want of a better word, are terrible at it.

It is not about how extroverted or introverted we are. And not because we don’t attend events. Far from it, it is not because our social skills are inadequate. It is simply because we think that showing up at a gathering, collecting dozens of phone numbers, or connecting on social media is the work.

It isn’t. Getting people’s contact information is just getting people’s contact information. Nothing more. What then is real networking?

Real networking is the conversation that continues after the event

We’ve all been there! We’ve all done it! You walk into a room full of professionals, you exchange contacts, and make small talk. That is socialisation with professional costumes on. It is not networking.

Real networking begins when the conversation goes beyond that routine exchange of names, titles, and contacts. It is when you make enough of an impression that you both feel there is still more to explore after the event ends.

Surely, the real work begins the moment you leave the room. It is in the follow-up message: the article, podcast, or game show you both spoke about and promised you’d always send once you came across one you thought would interest them. It is not in the glamour of the event or the picture you took and shared on your social media. It is the quiet, intentional space after it, when everyone else has moved on.

Unfortunately, most people never get there. Safe to say that that is one of the real skills we teach at The School for Ignored Skills (TheSIS).

Real networking is not a transaction; it is an investment

You know, people can see through us. They know when we are linking up with them because of a potential ask (a job, a client, a referral), and when we want to be impact partners.  People can feel this, even when it’s never said.

Real networking is about showing up with something to give. An insight. An honest opinion. A connection. A listening ear at the right moment. Funnily enough, it is only when you give, or you have the mindset always to give, that you will ever receive.

The transactional networker will meet so many people. Oh, they could help me tomorrow. I may need something in Abuja or New York, and she will help me get it. But the investing networker builds something that compounds over time: a reputation, a web of goodwill, a room full of people who think of them before they’re even asked.

And in the end, the investing networker gains everything the transactional one seeks and even more.

What are we saying?

Networking is taught as a social skill. We hear, read, and watch people say all the time. Show confidence, make eye contact, ask good questions, and remember names. And yes, all of those are useful. But the deeper, essential, but untapped skill (which is our forte here at TheSIS) is how to follow through.

Follow-through is not sexy. It requires no personality, no charisma, no elevator pitch. It just requires you to do what you said you would. Send the resource. Make the introduction. Show up to the thing. Reply to the message.

In a world where most people don’t follow through, following through is a competitive advantage that will stand you out. Not because the bar is high. Because nobody is clearing it.